Surfer Don

Finally found it. After searching my old computer files for this sequence I shot while sitting on the beach at Shinnecock, probably back in the late 1980s or early 90s. There he is, flying at Fly's...

Bill

Hurricane Bill went by offshore and left a nice summer swell in usually flat Florida. I had a nice session of waist high waves, warm weather and sunshine this morning. That one was for you Donny. Dan Fleming

Family Man

Missy's post brings to mind something Don said many years ago. In our mid-thirties he told me he had no plans to have children of his own. He didn't really say why, but I think he had the same fear most men have of not being ready to take care of a family. The irony was that by his own undeniable nature - generous, loyal, dependable, self-sacrificing and empathetic - Don became the ultimate family man. He took care of everybody he loved. I know how loyal he was to his family and Missy because there were many times when he passed on social occasions because he wanted to spend the time with them alone. I know one of his most joyous traditions was the annual golfing tournament he would have with Doug, Paul, and Randy, with bragging rights going to the winner. I think he won quite a few times but didn't do much bragging. We all know Don gave much and took little. He was not the kind of guy to sit back with a beer and wait to be asked for help. He anticipated what needed to be done and did it before we knew we needed it. Bindu and I were married on this small island in the Bahamas and it was a logistical nightmare. Without adequate transportation for our wedding party we had to charter planes, taxis, ferries, sail and fishing boats and golf carts to get everybody around. We needed to bring cases of wine and champagne over from Florida to keep the party going for a week. Unfortunately Missy wasn't able to join Don, but he was there, always taking care of details in the background. He picked up the cases of wine in FL and took the crew out sailing when I was occupied with wedding preps, and fixed the cat when the engine went out (my brother Capt Jake gets credit here too). Don was an honored guest, encouraged to kick back, relax, and enjoy, but nobody could keep him from being helpful at all times. My family loved Don and always considered him an essential presence in our lives. From the posts here we can see that Don contributed greatly to all our lives and I'm sure his positive influence on Blake will last a lifetime. Being as modest as he was, I don't know if he admitted to himself how much of a treasure he was to his friends and family, but we will always know.

Capt Don

My Capt Don story happened about 25 years ago. Three of my high school buddies and I chartered a 40 ft sailboat out of Orient Point. Our plan was to spend a week sailing to Block Island, Newport and Martha's Vineyard. Maybe stop at a couple of bars along the way. I am a pretty decent sailor......in a sunfish on Peconic Bay. But, this trip was in a big keel boat, in the ocean and likely to be sailing in fog and at night. As the charter date approached, I started to get a bit worried I had bitten off more than I could chew. My three buddies were not sailors, but they were smart enough to begin worrying too (Paul is going to be our Capt and we are all going to die) !!! We arrived at the conclusion that we needed a real Capt for this trip........hmmmm wonder what brother Don is doing that week ? Don (being the protective younger brother) realized we were in over our heads and thankfully agreed to come along. Having Don along made all the difference in the world, knowing that we had a pro like him aboard we could totally relax and focus our efforts on emptying the beer cooler. No circling sharks, broken masts or typhoons on this trip, but if there had been we had the right Capt on board to get us home safely.

Good influence on Blake

Don is a good influence and confidant for Blake. From 16 to 29. Don did all the usuals, like teaching bad words during a game of scrabble ( and I can't believe those words are actually in the dictionary) to answering the cell phone "Fort Lauderdale Police Department" when they were out. A really fun and relaxing and cool guy to hang with. Don taught Blake a lot about cars and he gave him well thought out advice about any problem with work or life. There are 3 Volvos here, Blake's Volvo, Missy Volvo and Don's Volvo. I believe Blake went through 2. Last Valentines day they conspired and surprised me with dinner at a great restaurant and treated me like I was the most interesting person in the room. Very special. Very respectful always. Many many things I would not have done for Blake on my own and I am so grateful for his gentle manly presence in his life. We were so fortunate to be under his protection and care, much of which is far reaching , and I have yet to observe the full extent in Blake. I know I am a better person for having known Don. I know Blake is too. With Love and Gratitude, Missy

Family Photos

Hawaii 2005 Stuart,Jeff,Don,Missy and Bernadette

New Orleans 2008

Don and Blake at Fort Lauderdale Beach 1998

From Liza Murphy

It has been years since I last saw Don but have such a strong memory of a gentle, kind and laughing person that it was  such a pleasure to know.  Reading the blog it is so nice to learn that he had a life that was not only one he enjoyed and treasured but one that added much to others as well.  He will be missed and it seems will be a continuing inspiration for spreading kindness and happiness.  Travel well Don. Liza

Capt Don

As kids we spent every day of every summer down at the Mattituck YC. I remember for years there was this Winslow Homer print on the wall. It was called The Gulf Stream and it depicted this shipwrecked sailor in the middle of a fierce storm. His mast had snapped off, the waves were swamping his boat, there was a waterspout spinning toward him like a tornado, and there were a bunch of hungry sharks circling his boat. I remember we used to look at that print and think, "Man, this guy is toast." We had our own small battles with the sea and those nasty So'westers on Peconic Bay and soon enough we knew that bay like the back of our hands - every sandbar, inlet, and landmark from Brush's Creek to Shinnecock to Nassau Point back to the MYC. I was reminded by Tom's story that a thick fog was part of the fun. We could test our sense of dead reckoning while running blind. Of course, boats never run true and we had no compasses so we'd often end up on some shore wondering where the heck we were and had to reorient our direction by the topography. Anyway, by the time we were teenagers we figured we pretty much had that bay tamed. As we got older Capt Don transferred that knowledge and confidence to the next level - to ocean-going yachts along the Atlantic coast, the Gulf Stream to the Florida Keys, across the Bermuda Triangle all the way to the Virgin Islands. You know, out there where Homer's sailor was hanging on to dear life. Once I joined him for a harrowing tale that we laughed about for years afterward. One day in October 1983, Don called me in California and asked if I wanted to do a delivery from NY to St. Thomas, where he was going to charter captain for the winter. It was a spanking new Mason 53' and the deal was airfare plus $35/day, so I was off on the next flight to meet him in Annapolis. Don hired the rest of the crew with ads in the NYTimes, but sailors are like a box of chocolates - you never know what you're gonna get. One guy seemed pretty normal, another didn't get out much and thought he was Hemingway's Old Man and the Sea, and the last guy was on meds and turned into Jack Nicholson in the Shining when he didn't take them. Unfortunately we only discovered this halfway through the trip. The day before we left Annapolis this Israeli girl came by the boat and asked if she could hitch a ride to St. Thomas. She said she could cook and that night we gave her a trial run. We got boiled chicken, white rice and a salad soup of lettuce and tomato - turns out she didn't like spices, not even salt or pepper, so Don said, "Yeah, you got a ride but you don't have to cook." Turns out we didn't have to worry. Soon as we left the protection of the inland waterway we hit 20-25 knot winds almost dead on the nose for nine straight days. It was like living in a CrackerJack box. We hit some rain storms. The Israeli girl got seasick and didn't come out of her cabin to eat for four days (Don had graciously given her the large aft cabin with head). At one point Don had to fix the diesel and got seasick, then I turned green for a day. We survived on Snickers bars. Then "Here's Johnny!" started to lose it and the Old Man and the Sea wanted to hove-to for a day, but Capt Don (I was calling him Capt Ron by now) thought about floating around in the Bermuda triangle with this crew and said, "Nah, we're almost there." Luckily, the next day the winds died, the sun came out, and the dolphins swam with us. A couple of days later Don and I were up at dawn watching St. Thomas emerge from the mists in front of us and we couldn't stop laughing. It was a wild trip, but Don was cool, calm, and collected the whole time. Sometimes in life you get into tough predicaments like that guy in the Gulf Stream (I include the print below). That print became a metaphor of life for us. Like other friends confirm here, if there was one person in my life I wanted by my side when the bad storms hit and the sharks circled, it was my good buddy Don.

Don's Memorial Party

Wanted to let all you Don bloggers know that his memorial party will be held on Sept 19th at Oakland's restaurant on Shinnecock inlet from 2pm to 4:30 pm. The restuarant overlooks 3's so it is a perfect location. We will scatter his ashes prior to the party. Hope you can attend !!!

A picture from Kim from last summer at Dougs

SeaDream photos

Don making his famous bloody mary's on SeaDream, along with 2 photos of his boat.

Don's B-day

It was Don's birthday yesterday and I know he never wanted to draw attention to himself on his birthday. On his 40th I almost had to force him to let us celebrate with a party at my Mom's house. Last year, when he and Missy came up to Mattituck, he left on Aug 1 and I protested that he was leaving the day before we could celebrate. Then he told me since he was a kid he always wanted his birthday to go unnoticed. Why? At MYC on your birthday everybody else would gang up on you and throw you in the water - in the bay if you were lucky or in the smelly, snapping turtle-infested creek if not. My b-day was after Labor Day in mid-Sept, so I dodged the bullet all those years, but Paul, Randy, and Don all had summer birthdays. Don knew on Aug 2 they were laying in wait for him and he dreaded getting tossed in that creek! I think he'd be happy to know our Yankees' Melky Cabrera hit for the cycle in honor of him yesterday...

Don's Journey

This poem brought me much comfort during my parents' passing a few years ago. It seems apropos for Don and his wonderful family and friends. Gone from My Sight I am standing upon the seashore. A ship at my side spreads her white sails to the morning breeze and starts for the blue ocean. She is an object of beauty and strength. I stand and watch her until at length she hangs like a speck of white cloud just where the sea and sky come to mingle with each other. Then someone at my side says: "There, she is gone!" "Gone where?" Gone from my sight. That is all. She is just as large in mast and hull and spar as she was when she left my side and she is just as able to bear her load of living freight to her destined port. Her diminished size is in me, not in her. And just at the moment when someone at my side says: "There, she is gone!" there are other eyes watching her coming, and other voices ready to take up the glad shout: "Here she comes!" And that is dying.

Happy Birthday Brother!

We're thinking of you, buddy, and miss you a whole lot. Yanks are going to win one for you today, D-Rod. Love, Moosina, Bindu and the Harrington family

Don't know if they have access to blog sites and e-mails up there, but happy birthday big fella. I'm sure they have surf, and it's flat here today, so your turn to catch one for me.

Being of the next generation of Peconic Bay east-enders I did not have the opportunity to know Don as well as many, but my memories are warm and strong just the same. I'd known Don as far back as I can remember, but the most vivid picture I see is the back yard at my Nanny Floss's (Sinnott's) white house on the blvd. I was no more than seven or eight years old and stuck hanging out with a porch full of the usual suspects at cocktail hour. Except Don, though still with a beer in one hand he played kick-the-ball-as-high-as-you-can with me over and over and over. That's it- simply kicking the ball into the air so I could try to catch it again and again. I will always be grateful. With love, Jenn Guadalupi

Happy Birthday Don!

I miss you..your sweet smile, your deep booming voice and your gentle spirit.

When I swim in the ocean, I always think of you. You loved it like I do.

Love you lots!

Shawn